love!

June 2, 2011 § 4 Comments

It is rather amusing the way people work when it comes to love.Love is all pervasive but at the same time is overrated in a very narrow sense. It is perceived as a romantic connection, in most cases. People have to be motivated to love. More often than not, they look for reinforcements.

When a person learns to love genuinely, she is more open and vulnerable. The society takes advantage of this. To avoid this from happening,she builds a hard exterior. she forgets to love. she forgets to live.

I have loved, I have lived, I was battered. But I still love, I still live. And there is no better feeling than to love. Even if the person you feel it towards doesn’t know or is not with you, the feeling makes you feel like a human being, at the end of the day. You feel at ease with yourself.

As cliche as this may seem, feel love, for yourself and for others. If you feel you are incapable of feeling this way, look within. You will find the answers.

I came across a Hindi song called “In dino” from the movie “Life in a Metro”which was a movie with countless emotions. It depicted how complicated relationships get in a city life and how people deprive themselves of love for want of a greater feeling which is non-existent. The lyrics of the song are very touching and meaningful. I have translated it in English; might seem pretty cheesy, but you get the point 😛

In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha , tu khaab
saja, tu ji le jara,

hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat.

Berang si hai badi zindagi kuchh rang to bharoon,
main apani tanahaayi ke waaste ab kuchh toh karoon.

Jab mile thodi fursat, khudse karle muhabbat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat

Usako chhupaakar main sabse kabhi le chaloon
kahin door…
aankhon ke pyaalon kse pita rahoon usake chehre ka noor.

Iss jamaane se chhupakar , puri karloon main
hasrat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat.

In English :-S

These days my heart tells me to dream , to live a
little,
Even you have permission, even you can love.

Colorless is life let me fill it with some
colors,
Let me do something about this lonliness in my
life,

When you get a bit of time, love yourself a
little,
Even you have permission, even you can love.

Let me hide her from others and take her far
away,
With the pails of my eyes I was drinking from the
beauty of her face,

Let me hide myself from time and fulfill my
desires,
Even you have permission, even you can love.

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Blame it on culture?

May 9, 2011 § 4 Comments

“The house does not rest on the ground, but upon a woman”

Domestic violence against women is the most common in India. This is basically due to the mindset that women are weaker than their male counterparts. According to Radcliff Brown, all practices that are constituted in a society ultimately contributed to the maintenance and survival of the whole system. In the India case, this theory will confirm that occurrences in society, domestic violence included, contributes in the survival of the society. Domestic violence in India is highly influenced by the societal culture and beliefs.

The main reasons for domestic violence of women India range from desire for male children .There are instances where women who do not bear male children are brutally tortured. There are even instances where women’s wombs are ripped open in order to kill the female child encase the woman disagrees to have an abortion voluntarily. This is practiced in rural India. Infertility and not looking after in-laws are also major cause of domestic violence towards women .There have been gruesome reports of young bride being burnt alive or subjected to continuous harassment for not bringing home the amount of demanded dowry. Women are also hit if they suspect their husbands are having extra marital; affairs. In urban setting the case is complicated by the fact that that the women are working as compares to the rural areas where the women are financially independent. Some of the causes of domestic violence include having a better income than the spouse and there is also assault and coercion by the employers through demands for sexual favours. Young widows in India are also subjected to violence where they are accused of their husband’s deaths; they are usually cursed and denied basic necessities like food and clothing. The widows are in some circumstances raped or even molested by the family members and in most cases they are not allowed to remarry.
It is also important or also note that domestic violence is not only meted to women alone in India but also to men, the elderly and even children. Domestic violence against men has gradually increased in India; however this kind of violence is less frequent. There was an instance recently when men gathered ain Chandigarh and shimla to voice their opinions on violence being meted on them by women and other family members. This just proves that domestic violence also affects men India albeit in a small scale.
In terms of numbers, the number of reported cases on domestic violence against children and teens is the second form after violence against women. In rural areas a its usually associated with child labour or punishment for not following family traditions. Girls are the worst affected as they are not supposed to take the place of boys when a couple wants to bear children. The girls are therefore cursed and assaulted for taking the position of the boys.

Domestic violence against old is common when there is need for property. They are usually abused and neglected by the relatives who want to inherit their property and at times they are beaten to death. The scenario is even worse for the elderly women who are more vulnerable to gender violence than their male counterparts. The elderly women become victims of property grabbing, material exploitation and abandonment. This is especially due to the gender discrimination structures that exist. They are isolated, cursed and times even considered as bad omen. Other Forms of Domestic Violence in India include family wars. This is usually over property disputes, religious conflicts that arise during religious ceremonies and even inter caste marriages. Violence over caste marriages are common in many states like Haryana, Punjab, Andhra Pradesh a mong others. There is also mistreatment of domestic servants through overwork, working without pay or even rest. There have also been serious cases which are related to dowry payment. In dowry related violence there are instances where the brides and wives end up being burnt. This is one type of violence that is particularly common in India. According to a Television broadcast aired in 1993, around 6100 women were killed in one year just because of dowry.

The Domestic Violence Act 2005 for women empowerment in India marked a very significant attempt in recognising domestic violence as an offence which should be punishable by law. The main beneficiaries are women and children according to section (2a) of the act. The act empowers women to sue a person they are having a domestic relationship with who subjects them to domestic violence. The act has a provision for protection, residence, custody and maintenance orders; in addition it has other relief in favour of domestic violence victims. Children too can sue their parents for any kind of torture.

A Case study on domestic violence is that of Naina Sahni who was killed then burnt by her husband in 1995 in a tandoor, in New Delhi. Naina was killed following a marital dispute and domestic violence meted to her by her husband for suspecting the he had a marital affair .On July 2, 1995,the body of Naina Sahni (29) was discovered burning in a tandoor (a clay oven ) by police officers who got suspicious, when they saw a huge smoke coming from a hotel . It was alleged that Naina was killed by her husband Sushil Sharma who was the Delhi Youth Congress president.
According to the charges, Sharma suspected his wife of infidelity. He believed she had an affair with a fellow classmate and this led to domestic violence and marital discord. On the fateful day, he shot her twice before cutting her body into pieces and tried to burn it in a tandooor and that is when he was caught. Neither apparently, Naina’s neither elderly father felt that he was guilty for nor protecting his daughter. 0n 30th march 2004 there was a story in the mid day, a local daily where a young girl was strangled to death by her father at Turbhe for refusing to fetch him water (Rinki B., 2004. Behind Closed Doors: Domestic Violence in India)

What bewilders me is that Domestic Violence occurs in all sections of the society and is not just restricted to the illiterate and poverty stricken groups but in the well educated families too. So does this mean that high literacy level does not necessarily mean attitude change? Why do men want women to ‘serve’? Is it what they think is our ‘duty’? What happens if a woman refuses to ‘serve’ the man?Do women end up serving their man to not get beaten? where does this so called ‘serving’ end?Should the victim be blamed for letting herself get hurt or should the abuser be punished? Do women exercise the law for the right reasons? so are women truly empowered?How do we define empowerment? Should we just blame religion and culture as the cause?

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.

May 7, 2011 § 18 Comments

””The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes”

United States rallied for 10yrs to bring what they call ‘justice’ to the victims of the 9/11 attack. Today there are a million questions raised on the way the operation was conducted. Why was Bin Laden killed if he was unarmed? Was he shot in front of his 12yr old daughter? Was he executed? At the end of the day we hear different versions of the TRUTH and which one should the common man ought to believe? In my opinion the death of anyone should not be celebrated rather it should help us see beyond what is visible and be cautious. It is very surprising how quick we can be to judge others and call the act of killing as ‘justice’. 9/11 was a fateful day not just for the people of United States but for everyone who believed in peace. But the United States was quick to retaliate similar to when Ronald Regan ordered bombings in Libya, George Bush who waged war against Iraq and Bill Clinton who ordered military strikes in Baghdad, Afghanistan and Sudan. We are all with America when they experienced the worst terrorist attack in the history where thousands of innocent lives were lost but should we not also mourn the losses of the millions dead in Iraq and Afghanistan because of the so called ‘war on terror’. So if Bin Laden was the goblin to wage the war will the killings stop that the goblin is dead? or are we going to find another goblin as an excuse to continue the ‘war on terror’ killing more innocent lives and rob young ones the same future we want our children to have?

The number of people who lost their lives in the 9/11 attack were approximately 3000, but the victims of the so called ‘war on terror’ is 10 times more than 3000. Who gave one country the power to determine what is right or wrong? If every one of us goes after someone who hurt us how would this world exist? How would we survive? I’m not saying that terrorism is something that should be tolerated but that does not gives us the right to rob people of their present and future. War is not the only solution to fight terrorism.

‘What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?’ Mahatma Gandhi

Dil!

April 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

Every night I like to dream
That I have you right beside me when I sleep
Just telling you don’t leave until I sleep
And dream of everything that I wanted to happen
You could have kissed me on my lips
But instead you gave me kiss on the forehead
As you thought I was asleep
But I was just waiting to see what you would do
As I lay there thinking of you
You made sure I was all the way coved
So I wouldn’t get cold or sick
Right before you left
Kiss me on my forehead
And said so quit that..
You’ll always be my little angel
That night I knew that I could tell you
How much I really do love you
So before my door closed
I ran after you
And gave you kiss
Told you that you have my heart
And always well
Cause I have always loved you from afar
So you wouldn’t have known
Then I wake and now wait for that kiss
Cause by now we have been together forever
And still you leave the same
With one little kiss behind a good-night angel wish

Where to draw the line?

March 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

Is power an addiction?do we all have that in us?how is it tamed?

I was at the park at the crack of dawn for meditation. I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts together.I was disturbed when i heard the sound of an aircraft. I tried not to pay attention to that sound but my mind kept drifting. I was thinking of the millions of people who are living listening to the same noise day in and out. What would they be telling their children?Will they be putting them to sleep or fleeing from their homes?

When i was young my dad always told me to be competent in everything I did. I wanted to be first in everything i did.I could not accept being second in anything. I wanted to be in control. But i i grew older things changed. You can be in control of certain aspects of your life but not everything. You compromise, you learn to give up,you begin to accept loss and failure..You let go of people you love..You no longer are the same.

Most often we are not aware of this power control within us. I might not be leading a nation today but i think it is this thirst for power and control that is destroying innocent lives. There might be so many reasons to what is happening around us but the primary reason is ‘power’.

Power is of two kinds,
1. Bestowed by the people
2. Forcefully taken

The first kind is supposed to be perfect.So called ‘democracy’. Ideally it should be as Lincoln would put it ‘by,for and of the people’ . But how many democratic countries are truly democratic? Lets take India as an example. We vote and we choose our leaders. But do we have a choice?We have two parties that are equally corrupt, lacking leadership. But those are the two choices, we choose the one that is less dangerous to the harmony of the people. We have one leader within the ruling part trying to make a difference but he has been labelled as an accidental politician and someone who is qualified solely based on his ‘family’ name. But is it a mistake to come from a ‘political’ family and have a vision that is different? do people still think everyone are the same?has the past experiences made us so skeptical?

What is the solution when the Government that is chosen by the people is not different from the dictators?

The second type are those who are dominated by the lust for power and control. Did anyone ever expect that by one man setting himself on fire would lead to democracy in Egypt?Does this show the power each individual has?this only makes me wonder how much more we can achieve if we channel all of our individual passion and develop a collective vision? Is it at this very moment that our thirst for power increases? Is this the time when we would crush anyone? Why is that those who are supposed to guard lives are the ones destroying it? Have we lost our conscience or do we have conscience ? What should we do to create this change? Or should we just keep blaming everyone around us for this mess? I don’t know!

Where do we draw the line?When do we know that this is enough?

will not be writing for a few days!

February 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

Hey everybody,

Thank you for all the feedback i get ..especially those of you who actually write emails to me. But the past few days have been rather stressful and i have come to a stage where i really need to take care of myself before i try and help others.most often i end up helping someone but i pay the price for that. Recently i had to explain to a very close friend about the actions someone else did.I just feel very tired of all this drama and i think i have enough. I will not be updating my blog for the next couple of days. Have a great week!!!

Grief!

February 26, 2011 § 5 Comments

Grief has played a very big role in my life. Lose of friends can have lasting effects. There are very few people we let into our lives without boundaries. We create memories with them. But suddenly we wake up one morning to find them gone. They are not with you anymore. We start accepting the awful reality starring down on us, the absence of the special friend you had coffee with, the one who held you close during bad days, the one who laughed at your silly jokes, the one who never forgot to make you smile, the one who laughed and cried with you, the one who made a difference in your life. Then you slowly begin to understand that life should go and you start to move forward with memories.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder
at the daily miracles of your life, your pain
would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your
heart, even as you have always accepted
the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity
through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided
by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter
has moistened with His own sacred tears.

– Kahlil Gibran